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We Wish You a Merry Meatmas!

12/15/2011

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            "You there, what day is it?"
            "Why its Meat-mas day sir!"
            "Meat-mas day? Then I haven't missed it!"
                    -Beefsteak Whetherbottem
A Meatmas Carol

    Ah Meatmas. My favorite time of year. Children having BBQ fights in the front yard, Roasted leg of lamb on an open fire, and lets not forget kissing the one you love under the flank steak in the entryway.

    Woah wait what?! You ask what is Meatmas?! You've never heard of it? Well sir and/or madam I shall tell you.

    Meatmas is a tradition that started in my department at my work about 5 years ago around the Christmas holiday. Its really a special day that is broken down by two major events.

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    1. The traditional office round of Yankee Swap: In which everyone brings something awesome and I bring something slightly less awesome and someone gets slightly screwed out of a good gift as I myself take the better one home. Follow? Look, I know its not good to bring a white elephant to a Yankee swap, I wouldn't do that. I get the rules. You want good gifts, but you need a reason for people to steal. If everything is equally good, what's the fun in that. This year I brought a DVD of my movie 305. People were less than thrilled. Its not a bad movie, its just not a good gift... really ever.

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    2. This is the heart and sole of meatmas. Brazilian BBQ. My department heads down the street to a Churrascaria Brazilian BBQ place for lunch. Traditionally the food they have here is rice, beans, and some other side. Salad and cheeses but the big thing is the meat. The employees walk around just dumping meat at your table until you raise the red flag telling them to stop. And this is good meat too. Tri-tip, Tenderloin, Prime rib, bacon wrapped filet, sausages, ect. They keep coming and coming. Cooked perfectly so the are moist and tasty. Its really a low carbers paradise.

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    Being that my department is made up mostly of men this means we push ourselves to that dark place of meat eating through testosterone. We tend to avoid the fillers like rice and beans as to have a little more room for the Parmesan pork and red meats. We eat and eat and return to work only to fight falling asleep. Its a dangerous game, but worth it. And because of our shared experience we all draw slightly closer together as a department. We all have traveled to a dark place together and now we relate anew.

    Oh Meatmas. You come and go so quickly. It's a great tradition that comes a week or two before christmas and for me and I think I may want to bring it to my family some day. I'll invent some charming lie of an origin story to tell my kids about the pilgrims only having cows to eat during one cold Christmas and how they were so thankful for red meat or something. I'll use it as a way to break from the hustle and bustle of the holidays by stuffing my children so much they will take naps. We as a family shall come closer, and in a way that's what the holidays are for. That and ribs.

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