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I Love You Forever...

1/7/2014

13 Comments

 

The last week of my life has been extremely interesting and one I will never forget. God has blessed my wife and I with the most amazing gift.

Picture
Abigail Valerie Larson. Born Dec 31 at 6:30. 8' 0oz.

Our baby girl is doing very well and we are so filled with joy that after these past nine months that we finally got to meet her. She is such a good baby and fills our house with such love. I am so happy she is mine.

Unfortunately this week hasn't been filled with only joy but also some sadness. My dad has been sick. His liver and kidneys are failing. He lays in a hospital bed and we await him leaving us. The hospital room has a sticker on it to let the staff know that he will be passing soon. He sleeps and looks just as peaceful as my baby girl.

I don't know that I have ever had to have such conflicting emotions at the same time. My heart is exhausted from the contrast of being at home and visiting my dad's room. I feel sad, happy, disappointed, thrilled, cheated, and more.

A few weeks before Abby showed up and my dad got to his most current state my wife wanted to read a story to baby girl in her tummy. She pulled off the shelf "I love you forever". I had always seen this book on shelves but never actually read it. Lying in bed my wife read th e story of a mother holding her new baby and saying a phrase,

"I love you forever,

Forever and always,

As long as you're living,

My baby you'll be."

The story goes through stages of life as the little baby grows to a boy, teenager, college student each time getting cradled by his mother as she says the same phrase "I love you forever...". Eventually the story ends when the boy who is now a man getting a phone call that his mother is sick and goes to her, holds her in his arms and says,

"I love you forever,

Forever and always.

As long as your living,

My mommy you'll be."

After the mothers death the man returns home to his newborn daughter. He cradles her in his arms and repeats the phrase with the cycle continuing.

I couldn't help but feel this hit home for me. I lay there thinking about Abby and her grandpa and how much I love them both and how I wish they could know each other. I am broken hearted about the hugs and kisses they will miss from each other, the bible stories from grandpa she won't hear, and all the tea times grandpa will miss. I have to stop and take a breath. I realize these feelings are more what I want for them and that they both will be surrounded by love soon regardless of knowing each other.

I want them to know my heart and the love I have for them both and how they both will always be mine. Words do so little justice.

I love you forever Dad,

Forever and always, Abby.

As long as you're living,

My baby, and my daddy you'll be.

13 Comments
val
1/7/2014 04:05:11 am

Beautifully expressed! I'm sure your love for both of them is very evident, and will be treasured "forever and always".

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Allison
1/7/2014 04:44:23 am

Very happy and sad for you. Prayers during this difficult time.

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kristin m
1/7/2014 04:48:49 am

This is very touching! I can't imagine what you guys are going through right now!! Prayers for you guys.

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heather
1/7/2014 08:25:10 am

what powerful and beautiful words. praying for your family.

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Emily
1/7/2014 09:12:44 am

We love you guys.... I am so familier with this book ... I am so sad for you, so excited for the new chapter, and so jealous of your Dad! Thankful and grateful your dad will be with Jesus. Our prayers are with you, what a great heritage, blessing and legacy your Dad has left Abby...

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jc
1/7/2014 12:12:10 pm

Touching man. Started to tear at work today. I don't have kids yet, but the one thing that is terribly saddening is that my future kids won't know their grandfather (who is being the end of his life) and he won't have the honor of holding them in the hospital when they are born. Stories, pictures and videos become very precious. Best of luck to you as a new father and sorry to hear about your dad.

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Lorna
1/7/2014 05:56:43 pm

I am filled with joy for you on the arrival of your daughter, and sadness at the thought of your father.
Try not to feel guilty at the thought of your own joy, as your father would probably tell you to celebrate the life ahead of you as you raise a child. I'm sure thinks back to a life well lived and enjoyed because of the love given and received in being a family man. You will find, as you get older, you will realize when you look into the eyes of your grown children, you see a life that has passed far to quickly, and every memory is one worth cherishing...and it's all right.
So, as your heart breaks for your father, remember that he leaves understanding the joy of parenthood. My love to you both.

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Rick M
1/7/2014 11:11:12 pm

I'm excited for you guys with your new daughter and saddened to hear about your father. My wife lost her mom a few years ago and it's an extremely tough thing to lose a parent. Know that my wife and I will be thinking about you and praying for you guys.

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Kristen Larson
1/9/2014 02:53:11 am

I just love how Abby's little hand is sticking out of the burrito. She couldn't be any cuter. :)

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Stephanie
1/9/2014 11:56:32 am

That was beautiful and certainly heartfelt. My children are now grown and living their own lives and I lost both my parents in the last 3 years. I am hoping to enjoy grandchildren someday soon. I wish you and your wife and baby all the love and contentment your heart can hold.

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Dana
2/7/2014 10:43:04 am

Congrats on your baby girl. She is beautiful.

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allison
4/4/2014 08:14:42 am

my goodness. thank you for sharing this.
we must somehow be related!
when my daughter was born in 2002, I was battling the excitement of the experience mixed with the anguish of knowing that my 48-year-old mother was battling cancer.
when we brought ellie home from the hospital, my mother held her & read this very book to her. I remember hiding in my kitchen and sobbing. it is still such a tender memory for me.
I know that this post is several months old, and I do not know where you all are in your journey today...but please know that others have walked where you are walking, and I will be lifting your family up in prayer today.
allison

Reply
Poor Mans Atkins
4/7/2014 02:38:39 am

Allison
Thank you Allison. And interesting journey for us. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think my pops. And what's great is I can see the elements of him even my daughter. God has funny timing. I think he knows what he's doing in the long run. Thanks for the encouragement.

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