The last week of my life has been extremely interesting and one I will never forget. God has blessed my wife and I with the most amazing gift.
Our baby girl is doing very well and we are so filled with joy that after these past nine months that we finally got to meet her. She is such a good baby and fills our house with such love. I am so happy she is mine.
Unfortunately this week hasn't been filled with only joy but also some sadness. My dad has been sick. His liver and kidneys are failing. He lays in a hospital bed and we await him leaving us. The hospital room has a sticker on it to let the staff know that he will be passing soon. He sleeps and looks just as peaceful as my baby girl.
I don't know that I have ever had to have such conflicting emotions at the same time. My heart is exhausted from the contrast of being at home and visiting my dad's room. I feel sad, happy, disappointed, thrilled, cheated, and more.
A few weeks before Abby showed up and my dad got to his most current state my wife wanted to read a story to baby girl in her tummy. She pulled off the shelf "I love you forever". I had always seen this book on shelves but never actually read it. Lying in bed my wife read th e story of a mother holding her new baby and saying a phrase,
"I love you forever,
Forever and always,
As long as you're living,
My baby you'll be."
The story goes through stages of life as the little baby grows to a boy, teenager, college student each time getting cradled by his mother as she says the same phrase "I love you forever...". Eventually the story ends when the boy who is now a man getting a phone call that his mother is sick and goes to her, holds her in his arms and says,
"I love you forever,
Forever and always.
As long as your living,
My mommy you'll be."
After the mothers death the man returns home to his newborn daughter. He cradles her in his arms and repeats the phrase with the cycle continuing.
I couldn't help but feel this hit home for me. I lay there thinking about Abby and her grandpa and how much I love them both and how I wish they could know each other. I am broken hearted about the hugs and kisses they will miss from each other, the bible stories from grandpa she won't hear, and all the tea times grandpa will miss. I have to stop and take a breath. I realize these feelings are more what I want for them and that they both will be surrounded by love soon regardless of knowing each other.
I want them to know my heart and the love I have for them both and how they both will always be mine. Words do so little justice.
I love you forever Dad,
Forever and always, Abby.
As long as you're living,
My baby, and my daddy you'll be.
